BEN SMITH, JOE NELSON

When I was in Savannah after 2008 in St. Johns (I had just graduated, and come back, home), (I had been playing guitar with Joe Nelson throughout most of the year of 2007, every week @ the Sentient Bean coffee shop) -then I went back to College at the first part of 2008, stayed there, and graduated in May, came back home, and there I was back again, all graduated and fresh and ready to go and booked up and ready to play w/ Joe again (he had started the "Old Time Jam Session" @ the Sentient Bean. We would meet there every Monday + play Old Time Jam tunes. there were about 3 or 4 guys that would usually congregate there, and play "Old Time Jam Tunes." Joe wrote an email every week, that basically invited the whole 'band' to come over to the Sentient Bean + play. Most of the guys in the band were Old farts who just couldn't play their instruments very passionately: it just seemed like they were just hum-dinging along, Hobbyists, not very passionate, not very motivated. Joe had once told me that I was playing in a very low-vibration way, too, low energy- I was trying a new strum technique. I don't know where I came up w/ that one from. I came back in May of 2008 & I was unable to make the first jam meeting back (first Monday). On Saturday, after Monday, I happened to run into Joe at a band's house where they were giving A concert (I don't even know what their name was). My other friends were there, too: Julie Anne, Justin, Ben Smith, Matt, Ryan Spence, his girlfriend (I can't remember her name right now), a few others, I can't remember, exactly. Ben invited me to come over to his house after the concert, or the party, or whatever it was, that night, and we got "stoned" and stared @ the moon: Joe invited me to definitely come over to the Jam Session in two days (On Monday). I thought according to my usual, standard logic, that I'll miss THIS Monday, because I missed the FIRST, and be TWO weeks late instead of ONE- beat off. I was really looking forward to that Jam Session, though- Even though I missed the first week AND The second week, I was really looking forward to the third week, and Joining the band in its tracks, joining the band where it was, resuming the jam Session, that I knew was so integral to my mental health and sanity. I knew that I needed the "Old Time Jam Session" to maintain my mental health and sanity- And Joe wrote an email on about Thursday 5 days after the "party" which told me, and us all, that Joe was planning on cancelling, & terminating the old Time Jam session because he had a problem w. his Hearing aid, and he was fed up with the lack of enthusiasm + lack of love in the group. he just wanted to stop it. I should have written im an email that said PLEASE Joe, PLEASE- TRY IT FOR ONE MORE WEEK! IF IT DOESN'T GO WELL, THIS WEEK, GO AHEAD AND CANCEL IT, BUT JUST GIVE IT ONE MORE WEEK, PLEASE!, but I didn't think of that at the time- There went my life-line! (I had come back from college a depressed man! I NEEDED a life-line! I NEEDED a life-line! When that band went out the winda, I felt my world cave in- I had no hope. That band WAS my hope, for resuming a normal life, once I got back to Savannah, while I was in college. It was gonna keep me inspired Enough, to keep going! to keep going! That email crushed me.) Ben Smith was kind of crushed by my departure from his house on that Saturday after the party with Julie Anne, Matt, Joe, and the others (it had not been a good interaction) (I was kind of Freak, in those days). I felt guilty about the way I treated him, I left a tense feeling in the air (I would always get really fucked up whenever I smoked pot in those days. I would always get really tense and strange whenever I smoked pot)- I left him with a bad feeling in the air- He couldn't have felt good about that- (we just basically stared at the moon- we "smoked" some "weed" and we got "stoned"- his room was really messy- Alice Cooper was involved [his sheet music was on the digital keyboard]. I played his upright piano before I left- it was shit- he didn't like it- it WAS bad- i was trying to play MUSIC, but it WASN'T. His cats and dogs were around- He said when are you gonna bust out the Salvia! He laid Out on 'is back out on the back yard-)- When I drove off In My car, I knew that THAT was probably going to be a very bad day for him (and me) (I left @ around 7:00 a.m., so, just as the sun was rising-)- He's dead now- He's dead of a Heroin overdose! I just think that maybe if Joe Nelson had kept up the Old Time Jam Session, or if Joe Nelson had not Given up on the old time jam session, the whole vibes of the air would have been better- different- I would have been in a MUCH better mood, and Ben Smith's LIFE could have been saved- one night of tense interactions between me and Ben was enough; it didn't help that I had my bottom fall out from me with Joe's musical group. I was killer depressed after I got that email, and it felt like the bottom fell out of the whole town, including Ben Smith's life. He didn't commit suicide until 6 yrs. later, in 2014, but still, it would have just made me feel better, if he had had a better final interaction w/ me, except for one that we had over the telephone, where I apologized to him, and he said it was water under the bridge, and it would have lessened the likelihood that he would ever do something like that w. a heroin needle