Copper

My cat Copper died. I am gonna miss that motherfucker. He was a good cat, very sweet. He choked on a bug. There was nothing that I could do. My aunt is a doctor, and even she couldn't save our cat Kitty Cat when he was choking on a bird. Copper had the sweetest, most gentle face. I tried givin' 'im the Heimlich Manuever, but...to no avail. Gray is gonna miss im. I am too, he was a good companion, like a brother, good for when I was doing my reading or playing my music, a welcome guest. I am gonna miss im. I am crying for the 3rd time tonight. Gray was mad at me, I didn't treat Copper well enough; he didn't have a good enough life w/ me: I mean, I fed him chicken out of cans, and tuna out of cans, and organic dry cat food. That wasn't his favorite, but about 80% of the time he ate the wet canned meat. That's in recent months, at least. When they were entering the last phase of their kittenhood, my dad was living here in this house w/ me, and for some reason all they ate was Special Kitty (Wal-Mart brand) dry cat food for a spell. I should have given him more affection. I should have played more music for him when I was gone from the house, on the radio. I should have played the string with him more: that's really what I should have done; he was the best at playing The Spiritual String. I miss that motherfucker. He made me laugh. As I said, he had the kindest face. It was the gentlest, the friendliest. He was so shy he was almost timid. He was also kind of aggressive when it came to chasing his sister Gray. I think we're gonna get a dog. I really sure do miss Copper. I can't believe he died tonight. It was in my bed. I was in my bed, lookin at my phone, and there was a scarab beetle flying around my body. Copper came in and he jumped up on my bed and walked over my upper body, and then he chomped at the scarab beetle, trying to eat it, and then he inexplicably fell off the side of the bed, onto the lower mattress, in between the bed and the wall, and at first I didn't know anything was wrong, and just continued lookin at my phone, when he cried out in a little voice (about 5 seconds after he tried to eat the bug and fell over on the side of the bed), and I realized somethin was wrong with im. I immediately jumped up and picked im up from the side of the bed, and tried to give 'im the Heimlich Manuever. He was barely breathing. I couldn't help im. I tried. I said "Copper! Copper! Copper!" I said "I love you!" He started retching, and stretching out his paws a baring 'is teeth, like he was trying to push it out. But the bug died inside... He was gone like a light in like 3 minutes. I couldn't do anything to help im, I tried. I am gonna miss that motherfucker. He's left a hole in my heart. He was very friendly to me. Just last night he slept in my bed by my side all night. I woke up, and the first things I said were, 'You're a good cat! You're a good cat!' Last night he sat on the floor in front of my feet for 4 hours as I finished The Glass Castle. He ate canned chicken breast, his favorite food, for his last meal. I bought it today @ Food Lion. I bought about 12 cans of tuna and chicken for the cats, but Copper was the one who ate them the most; Gray doesn't like them as much. Copper also used to have the most musical, melodious meow. It was really sweet! It went up and down, down and up, from low to high and high to low. He was a real stellar cat. I just believe he was a little long, and skinny. Other than that, he was perfect. His coat was the shiniest, and had the luster of a brand new penny, hence his name. Before he got neutered, that is, he had the most melodious meow. After he got neutered, he got quiet. It was a shame. They were the most energetic cats when they were younger. I got them when they were a month old. I used to love to listen to 'im meow. But we couldn't have 10,000 young cats running around here. He fucked his sister and got her pregnant, and that's how we had all those brand new kittens around here for a while. Then my parents adopted them, and gave them out to good families. I miss Copper already. There'll never be another cat like 'im- not in this life, anyway. It's so sad seein' 'im lyin' dead on my bed. He's just lyin' over there right now. He was such a beautiful cat! I am gonna miss that motherfucker. He was extremely kind. He was extremely friendly. 

I could have played him better music, but he did like a lot of the music that I played. The best thing I ever did for him was play The Spiritual String. He also liked to walk around the mountain. He would follow me. We did this many times. There were a few times he got lost; I was afraid he was never comin' home; I couldn't get 'im to follow me home, so I had to leave 'im out there in the woods and come back a few hours later for 'im. One time he got shocked on an electric fence, and I could have sworn it took the life out of him; he just didn't have the same pizazz that he had before after he got shocked by that fence. I think this may have been just in my mind, however. I think Copper was pretty happy. I think he thought I was a little ugly. I tried to match his kind, friendly gaze. I read that cats tell you that they love you by looking you in the eye. I noticed him looking me more in the eye in recent weeks, after I started using dextromethorphan more regularly. He really trusted me. He really loved me. I am gonna miss that motherfucker. Gray is gonna have a harder time of it, too. I think we're gonna get a dog, a small dog. It is so sad seeing Copper lying dead on the bed right now. He's a big cat, too. I am gonna miss that guy. He was very trusting, very sweet; you just wanted to justify that trust. I tried, goddammit, I tried. Life is so short, and you never know when it's gonna end. Copper's life only lasted 3 good years on this Earth. And a few months, but hey. It was a shame; I was hoping he might live until I was in my fifties. I couldn't have done *anything to prevent his death. He choked on the bug him*self, and there was nothing I could do. Even my aunt couldn't expel an object from a choking cat’s throat, and she's a doctor. I just hope I made Copper's great trajectory of Life with a capital L better. I don't know what kind of life he had in previous lives, but I guess that it must have been *good, for, as I said, he was a beautiful cat, with a very trusting personality. He must have had some kind lives in previous lives to turn out *that kind. Now I've cried 5 times. I have heard that people don't really care what YOU do, as long as it doesn't affect them; everyone is the center of their own play; they don't have Time to worry about you. I am thinking about my cat Gray, and how she wouldn't be worrying too much about how *I treated Copper; she's too busy worrying about how *she treated 'im. I was just trying to do right by these cats. I am sure gonna miss that motherfucker. It sure is gonna be lonely around here. I wish his soul the best of luck in the next life.