What would put me into a flow state?, The desire to have a baby.

I suffer from what I think is a common malady: the fear of death and the feeling that the time I have here must be too short. 

I am trying to meet a girl who could be the mother of a child for me. Please pray for us if you care at all. 

I feel, like I said a week or two ago, that life would seem like it was enough if I were in ‘the zone’, if I were in a flow-state, if I were absorbed in what I were doing, in the ‘zen’ state, and I guess that because I am in this state of anxiety, worry, and dissatisfaction with the time that I have been given, it is simply because I haven’t found what would put me in a ‘zen’ flow-state, which I posit would be a role as father to a child. First I need money. 

Maybe I need to find a more reliable source of income.

I am thinking about trying to sell recordings, CDs. I am taking my guitar to the shopping center to play music for the people. Sometimes I get a lot of money, other times I don’t. It’s rather hit-and-miss. I want to obtain more students of music. I have also done a lot of writings that are worth selling, if anyone wants to buy them. For example, the other day I compiled a short book by the name of GUITAR AND MUSIC that I think could sell for a few bucks a piece, if it was given the right market. Conceivably, it could sell hundreds, thousands, even millions of copies, if it was given the right market. 

Every day I put a pen to paper. 

Yesterday, I spent an hour contemplating what could help me to achieve my goal of producing child. I have to meet the right girl. Basically, the advice I hit upon consisted of things like use the words that you are afraid to use in the presence of girls when you are with them out in public, and say prayers about the wish to have a child as often as you want. I realize that I need to be frank with her, about my desire to make a baby. It would help to have a car. I need money first. 

Please pray for us if you care at all.